Austin, TX – Real estate agents are often called “miracle workers,” but dozens of agents have struggled with buyer Jonas Klay’s one request: a house built with non-GMO materials.
“I’m not asking for much,” Klay said with an IPA in hand. “I don’t need a white picket fence or even a working toilet. Just give me a house made of organic bricks, gluten-free tile, and free-range wood.”
The flannel clad 24-year-old has fired countless real estate agents since he first began his house hunt after graduating with a Bachelor of Arts in philosophy. “Jonas is unbearable,” stated one of his disgruntled ex-agents. “He used to bike to every open house and just lean against walls, twirling his mustache and criticizing everything and everyone.”
“Sure, I’m a little passive aggressive with my agents,” Klay admitted. “But I refuse to live in a cookie-cutter home built by Monsanto. I’d rather camp out in the Whole Foods grocery department, which I have been doing for the past two years.”
If you know of a house on the market that meets Klay’s requirements, contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.